IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the average amount of money spent by the British parents

The
first
Linking Words
 line graph illustrates the average amount of money spent by the British parents on sports activities and graph two represents the
further
Linking Words
 breakdown of these activities, highlighting the participation preferences between Football, athletics and swimming for the years 2008 to 2014. Overall, the amount spent on sports activities has been seen rising substantially over the years resulting in Football, being the most demanded sport among the children. In regards to the monthly spending of parents, it has risen from 20 pounds to approximately 32 pounds within the period of six years.
However
Linking Words
, Football has accounted for the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of players compared to Athletics and swimming.
Although
Linking Words
, the rise in
number
Use synonyms
 has been slow. from around 8
million
Use synonyms
 to 8.5
million
Use synonyms
. In regards to Swimming which has gradually risen from around 2
million
Use synonyms
 to 3
million
Use synonyms
, Athletic,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, has experienced fluctuation with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of players in the year 2012 with a
number
Use synonyms
 around 5
million
Use synonyms
 which later dropped to 4
million
Use synonyms
 by the end of a given period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: