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Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #retirement #age #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
Lot
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A lot
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 of
people
 do not understand that
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 fixed age for everyone, not looking
on
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at
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 their job title is fair. These
people
 think
,
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apply
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 someone can retire earlier than the age of 65.
This
 essay will consider the facts which
goes
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go
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 hand in hand with the idea of retiring early at
work
especially
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,especially
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 for the drivers, nurses and
people
 who
works
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work
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 in industries.
Firstly
, most drivers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work
 under a
lot
 of pressure than the person who works at the office.
This
 profession goes under pressure for the whole duration of their
work
, their
work
 is
also
 dangerous due to traffic and it requires full attention when there are travelling meaning they do not have time to update their families about the trip until they arrive
to
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at
in
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 the destination.
For instance
, once they do a mistake there is a possibility of losing a life, losing some body parts and end up not managing to drive for their entire life, whereas for some
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
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 a mistake can be corrected and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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solved. It is totally unfair to have a 65 old man working in industries, considering that most of the jobs there,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are not easy, they need more energy and wisdom. So working in
such
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 drain them a
lot
 and their life will be
on
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at
show examples
 risk, especially on health matters.
Therefore
 it will be a blessing for them to get their rewards and benefits earlier.
However
,
some
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in some
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 it is crystal clear to have someone over 65 years working
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, being a buyer or supervisor of the supermarket, who works under suitable conditions, does not have a
lot
 of pressure or stress and they rarely go through tough situations compared to other jobs. In a nutshell, l strongly agree that
people
 who are working in a stressful environment should receive their pension earlier than those who have a good working environment.
Submitted by marthandlovu on

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • unfair
  • pension
  • occupation
  • workers
  • physically demanding jobs
  • professions
  • stress
  • responsibility
  • long years of service
  • excellent contributions
  • eligibility
  • individual circumstances
  • case-by-case basis
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