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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

TOPIC: Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#topic #people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
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Some individuals think that different
gender
children
 should be treated and taught from different environments, while others disagree and think that
children
 can reach more benefits when they are attending mixed
schools
. In my
view
, I totally agree with the latter
view
. In the following paragraphs,
both
 points of
view
 and my viewpoint on
this
 topic will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, there are some opinions that it is better to separate
boys
 and
girls
 to learn from different
schools
 because
children
 of a different
gender
 can
also
 learn from
a different strategies
Correct the article-noun agreement
different strategies
a different strategy
show examples
.
In addition
,
boys
 and
girls
 have different kinds of their interests so, in order to create the environment for their study, learning in separate
schools
 might get more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
For instance
, most
boys
 are interested in robots or superheroes,
then
 teachers tend to use educational media including print, digital or electronic material that have some features or pictures of robots or heroes that they like in order to enhance and catch their attention. 
On the contrary
,
girls
 tend to like dolls and princesses so teachers can encourage them to learn from their interests.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argue that
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 should learn from mixed
schools
 because in the real world
people
 are living together
both
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women. So,
boys
 and
girls
 should learn to live together and
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 their opinion in school or
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 when they grow up and become adults.
Additionally
, if we
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
children
 when they were young, they would not understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some delicate
gender
 issues
such
 as equality of
gender
 or transgender
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 that can lead to conflict in public or even individual
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
 in the future.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
 we can see that there are so many sexual
assult
Correct your spelling
assault
 or sexual bullying
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 are stronger than women and they do not understand how to live together in peace.
As a result
, it can lead to violence. In my
view
, I strongly agree that
boys
 and
girls
 are better
to educate
Change the verb form
educated
show examples
 in the same school because they can learn so many things together and they can learn to have empathy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
gender
 in order to live together in the future when they grow up. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, some
people
 think it is better for
children
 to learn from separate
schools
, while others disagree and think they should learn from mixed
schools
,
both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
view
also
 have
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in their own opinion. In my
view
, I think it is better in mixed
schools
 because one day
children
 will become adults and they must live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
both
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
gender
 living together.
Submitted by evaiiz.qxes on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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