IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing

#people #part #adult #life #work #job #satisfaction #element
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current era,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is the most important thing in every person's life. It was a feeling of achievement, which
people
Use synonyms
 can experience
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their jobs. High levels of jobs tend to be more profitable. I will scrutinize both the factors and
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction and highlight my perception at the end. To commence with, there are umpteen reasons which
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to
job
Use synonyms
 gladness,
Firstly
Linking Words
, the salary is a crucial part of each and every profession, high salaries encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to do more
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 environment, if
people
Use synonyms
 get positive comments from co-
workers
Use synonyms
 and managers, they
work
Use synonyms
 more and try to do the
work
Use synonyms
 better with good skills.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, their working methods, if a person can
work
Use synonyms
 better than others, which is done by more capabilities than it is
also
Linking Words
 profitable for the
company
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it could be
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
 for the person.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 hard during their adult period
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because at the time their impulses are increased and they
also
Linking Words
 have responsibilities for their family.
As a result
Linking Words
, they give their full efforts
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and try to get more salary to fulfilling their
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 needs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, employees have several expectations of their
job
Use synonyms
 with some demands. One significant thing is securing their
job
Use synonyms
 in future, To specify it, they want to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 their position at their
job
Use synonyms
 place at all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, because there are some natural calamities which must not harm the
workers
Use synonyms
'
work
Use synonyms
. Employees are not only
work
Use synonyms
 in the
company
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 live like a family
members
Correct the article-noun agreement
member
show examples
 with
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, they expect to celebrate some functions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
, like weekly achievement programs,
workers
Use synonyms
 of the month, their annual bonus and trip once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year with staff members,
that is
Linking Words
 the reason, that
Linking Words
this activities
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 can
be create
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 a great bond between companies members. To sum up, there are many factors which contribute to
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction,
likewise
Linking Words
, the
job
Use synonyms
 enjoyment which every
Use synonyms
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
 want, but it possible once in a while. So, I think other
workers
Use synonyms
 should try to
work
Use synonyms
 hard to get an achievement from the
company
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by theracevarsity on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: