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Band 5

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what ef ects does this have on animal life and human society?

#pollution #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #water #ef #ects #life #society
Global
warm
Replace the word
warming
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 has been increasing since
industrys
Correct your spelling
industry
industries
 start to use machines that can mess up with the earth.
Although
 many
business
Change to a plural noun
businesses
show examples
 needs to produce
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 products with that type of
equipaments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 they should know how it can be dangerous to our
life
 and future.
This
 essay will argue about how erroneous is
allow
Fix the infinitive
to allow
show examples
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
pollut
Correct your spelling
pollute
 the whole world just for free.
First
Add a comma
,First
show examples
 it makes necessary
talk
Fix the infinitive
to talk
show examples
 about the seas and the river, there are a lot of aqua species that can die if the
factorys
Correct your spelling
factories
factory
 continuous to
pollut
Correct your spelling
pollute
 them.
One
 point to bring in is about the water that we drunk might be not possible to drink
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
anymore.
Thus
, if that sad thing really
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 we will need to pay more and more
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
purified water. Another point to discuss says about the environment at
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, it is our mission
our
Correct word choice
and our
show examples
 duty to keep it as it was given to us.
Furthermore
, the
next
 generation needs to live their
life
was
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 we can live right now,
actually
Add a comma
,actually
show examples
 we must give them a better world
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 worst
one
. The quality of
life
 can be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk since the government intend to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
show examples
 it.
This
 is because they earn as much money as we can not imagine with fees and
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 over
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 that produce these products.
One
 more issue to talk about is the side effects that can cause in our
life
.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 important to think about the air that we breathe can not be the same in a near future or worse than it, the air might harm our body system. In conclusion, the pollution at all there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no
one
 good point to bring about, just to government that make money with tax and fees and the industry that earn a wide range of wage.
Therefore
, our future generation
deserve
Change the verb form
deserves
show examples
 to breathe
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good air and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
drink
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
awesome water it is not about our
life
 it
talk
Change the verb form
talks
show examples
 about the
futures
Change noun form
future's
show examples
Correct your spelling
lives
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by jhonnysouzadasilva on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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