IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

To what extent has the traditional male role changed in the last 20 years? Many people believe that women make better parenting than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer.

#role #years #people #women #men #children #societies #point
There are split opinions about the role of men which has
turn
Change the verb form
turned
show examples
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 20 years. Some
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
females
 have better parenting skills
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to males, whereas another group of thinkers support both have similar skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 parenting.
However
, both
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own pros and cons.
Therefore
, before commenting on my decision, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinion would be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the primary arguments the supporters would put forward is
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
females
 are working today and they have
work family
Add a hyphen
work-family
show examples
 balance skills.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they know their roles and
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 for their
children
 and they have
capability
Change the article
the capability
show examples
 to take care of their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones while playing a professional role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their job.
In addition
, they
also
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of the
Correct your spelling
women
women's
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 are multitalented they have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to perform multiple
work
Change to a plural noun
works
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 at times.
For example
, a single
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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 have various obligations
such
 as
to drop
Change the verb form
dropping
show examples
 their
children
for
Change preposition
off for
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 school,
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
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 food,
also
 go to
work
 to earn money,
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
 etc without any help
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 anyone they perform everything
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
On the contrary
, the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 view
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nowadays
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of males are capable to perform all roles of
mother
Correct article usage
a mother
show examples
 in
Correct your spelling
children's
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 life but the ratio is still very less
comparitvely
Correct your spelling
comparatively
females
Change preposition
to females
show examples
.
For instance
, if a female died after marriage so it is very common that men
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 married what if he has
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. In the reverse
scenerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
, if a male will die, women will think
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of times
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
second
 marriage because of their
children
. In fact, she
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 to raise their kids whether the
work
 type is professional or any kind
small
Change preposition
of small
show examples
work
. To conclude and give my opinion, I would say that
females
 are still more capable
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 parenting and the most ideal than men. In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 big picture,
this
 would be because
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
also
 want their mother's love after their birth and only she has that love that
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
never
Add a missing verb
are never
show examples
 able to give their
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Submitted by manchanda.kartikey on

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