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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people complain than they have difficulties getting enoughs sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
 has been a rising cause of concern among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
millennials. Many have been diagnosed with
this
Linking Words
 condition and at the same time lot of research
towards
Change preposition
on
show examples
 its treatment is going on.
Stress
Use synonyms
 management and
work
Use synonyms
-life balance have
linked
Add a missing verb
been linked
show examples
 by many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the research analysts with sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the dangers associated with the
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
treatment for sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 in corporate life is becoming hard to manage for most of our younger population. Many are good
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 dealing with
stress
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 majority of them suffer in silence.
One
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 research study conducted at the 'University of
Washington'
Change noun form
Washington
show examples
 clearly discussed the possibility of heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 at a very young age if
one
Use synonyms
 fails to manage
stress
Use synonyms
 effectively. The study
also
Linking Words
 mentioned about loss of appetite when
stress
Use synonyms
 levels increase.
Japan
Use synonyms
's workforce is
one
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 example that we can learn from. Most of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
's population is working and its
work
Use synonyms
 culture is known to be brutal of all. Long working hours,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 holidays and no time for recreation are some of the attributes of
Japan
Use synonyms
's
work
Use synonyms
 culture.
This
Linking Words
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to heart attacks among its
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 and eventually
leading
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to people quitting
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
 can have detrimental effects on
one
Use synonyms
's health.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there have been numerous efforts made by the healthcare sector to counter
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. Many doctors have recommended
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 breaks at
work
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 study at the 'University of
Washington'
Change noun form
Washington
show examples
 has listed
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 and meditation as
one
Use synonyms
 of the most effective treatments for sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
. After cases of heart attacks rose in
Japan
Use synonyms
, Japanese companies started implementing mental health breaks and mandatory meditation for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 employees. The results of these were astonishing.
Stress
Use synonyms
 levels gradually went down at
work
Use synonyms
 and employees were told not to overtime, which eventually made
work
Use synonyms
 place
heathier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 than ever.
Linking Words
This overall
Correct pronoun usage
Overall
show examples
 solved the
problem
Use synonyms
 of sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 extent.
Therefore
Linking Words
, exercise and meditation can really have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on
one
Use synonyms
's sleep. To summarize, sleep
deprivation
Use synonyms
 has been a real
problem
Use synonyms
 among the millennials,
however
Linking Words
; many efforts are being made to overcome it. In my opinion,
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 departments and employers should cater to the needs of their workforce, and help them in managing
stress
Use synonyms
, which eventually will solve the
problem
Use synonyms
 of lack of sleep and make our generation much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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