IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some say that when a person achieves success in their job, it means that he/she is selfish and doesn’t care about others. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #person #success #job #doesn’t #care
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A common opinion is that
people
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
succeed in their professional life are always egoistic and does not look at others. I suppose that it is not always true, there are individuals who
achieves
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
succcess
Correct your spelling
success
 at work but are polite and likeable.
Firstly
, a lot of
people
 who get high
posision
Correct your spelling
position
 are often very hardworking and spend more hours at work than
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is required. They want to prove that they are involved and good
enaugh
Correct your spelling
enough
 to get
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
show examples
.
This
 type of
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 their best and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to take the
efford
Correct your spelling
effort
 in new tasks. In many
Correct your spelling
situations
sytuations
Add a comma
,sytuations
show examples
 they know what they afford and know their own value.
This
 is the reason why their colleagues may think about them as selfish. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it can be confused with
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are
people
 for whom the most important is
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 and
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 everything to achieve their goals even at the expense of others. They can not work in
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they care only about their path to success.
This
 can be one of
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 problems why
upstart
Fix the agreement mistake
upstarts
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 disliked. To summarise, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the answer
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 statement is not black or white. There are
people
 who are good at what they do and they are aware of it. Most coworkers have a problem with that because they are jealous.
Howewer
Correct your spelling
However
 there are
people
 who do everything to achieve success in their job but it is not a rule.
Submitted by kasia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: