IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #people #work #move #families #friends
In some parts of the world,
people
 have to move to other places and leave their hometowns for work purposes.
This
 trend is popular right now for some positive aspects, but I believe that these aspects cannot compensate for the negative ones. On the one hand, living alone in other places without
parents
 and
friends
 can bring
people
 both economic and personal benefits.
People
 often move to other cities or other countries to have better jobs with higher salaries.
This
 means that they may have a more economically stabilized
life
 with a secured job, and
this
 trend can be seen in a rise in migration cases to the US.
Furthermore
, by choosing to live independently in the absence of both
parents
 and childhood
friends
, many
people
 can enjoy more freedom in
life
,
such
 as food to eat, a place to spend the night, or clothes to wear without interference from their
parents
 and
friends
.
On the other hand
, I believe these advantages are outweighed by disadvantages. Higher salaries and a financially secured
life
 may not help those who suffer from homesickness or loneliness that
Replace the word
lives
show examples
life
 far away from home causes. These feelings may destroy
people
’s enthusiasm and excitement in the workplace or perhaps lead to depression and suicide. Research alarms a high rate of suicide cases in developed countries where
people
 have to stay alone in big cities. Many individuals may
also
 suffer from other diseases,
such
 as obesity or eating disorders when living by themselves because they have no one staying around
reminding
Change the verb form
to remind
show examples
 them of regular healthy meals, and eating junk food or skipping meals may be the only choice. In conclusion, the disadvantages of migrating to a different place for work without the company of
parents
 and
friends
 are much more than the advantages.
Submitted by hmkvrt221 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!