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Band 7.5

In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

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In some parts of the world,
people
Use synonyms
 have to move to other places and leave their hometowns for work purposes.
This
Linking Words
 trend is popular right now for some positive aspects, but I believe that these aspects cannot compensate for the negative ones. On the one hand, living alone in other places without
parents
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 both economic and personal benefits.
People
Use synonyms
 often move to other cities or other countries to have better jobs with higher salaries.
This
Linking Words
 means that they may have a more economically stabilized
life
Use synonyms
 with a secured job, and
this
Linking Words
 trend can be seen in a rise in migration cases to the US.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by choosing to live independently in the absence of both
parents
Use synonyms
 and childhood
friends
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy more freedom in
life
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as food to eat, a place to spend the night, or clothes to wear without interference from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe these advantages are outweighed by disadvantages. Higher salaries and a financially secured
life
Use synonyms
 may not help those who suffer from homesickness or loneliness that
Replace the word
lives
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 far away from home causes. These feelings may destroy
people
Use synonyms
’s enthusiasm and excitement in the workplace or perhaps lead to depression and suicide. Research alarms a high rate of suicide cases in developed countries where
people
Use synonyms
 have to stay alone in big cities. Many individuals may
also
Linking Words
 suffer from other diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity or eating disorders when living by themselves because they have no one staying around
reminding
Change the verb form
to remind
show examples
 them of regular healthy meals, and eating junk food or skipping meals may be the only choice. In conclusion, the disadvantages of migrating to a different place for work without the company of
parents
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 are much more than the advantages.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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