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Writing Samples
Band 3

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

#detail #proportion #australian #school #graduates #education
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The given pie charts illustrate the percentage of pupils who graduated from secondary
school
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 unemployed, employed or
further
Change preposition
in further
show examples
 education in three different years (1980, 1990 and 2000) in Australia. Overall, the amount of
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 who achieved
further
 education after secondary
school
 decreased in three examined years while the figure for employed
people
 increased. Remarkably, the proportion of unemployed
people
 made up the smallest number of total Australian secondary
school
graduates
. In 1980, 50% of pupils who graduated from secondary
school
 continued learning while there was only 38% in 1990 and 37% in 2000. Meanwhile, employed
people
 were becoming more popular among secondary
school
graduates
 over twenty years. The figure for those increased from 40% in 1980 to 55%, which was the largest proportion of entire secondary
school
graduates
, in 2000. In 1990, the amount of unemployed
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who finished secondary
school
 was 10% while the figure for 1990 and 2000 was 12% and 8% respectively. Noticeably, the percentage of
people
 who could not secure a job occupied the smallest amount of total secondary
school
graduates
.
Submitted by nguyenphuonganh01091995 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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