IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway line for very fast trains between cities. Others believe money should be spent on improving existing public. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sum #money #railway #line #trains #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
For many people around the world, the preferred mode of transportation is a high-speed rail. Commuters travelling to and from
work
Use synonyms
 rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety and efficiency,
which
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 tourists appreciate the convenience and novelty that
train
Correct subject-verb agreement
trains
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
. Others believe that highways, busses and regular trains should be improved before new
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 lines are added. Safety is chief among concerns for those who travel to
work
Use synonyms
 or school on a regular basis. If one drives a car, they have to concentrate on roads not only to avoid accidents but
also
Linking Words
 to prevent other drivers from causing a problem on the road. High speed-rail allows the communter to leave the driving to the professional controlling the train, allowing them to get some
work
Use synonyms
 done while getting to
work
Use synonyms
 safely.
In addition
Linking Words
, people tend to move
further
Linking Words
 and
further
Linking Words
 away from city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, where land and houses are more affordable.
High-speed
Add an article
The high-speed
show examples
 rail allows these commuters to travel
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 in a shorter amount of time. There is a flow-on effect here
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if we can reduce the number of cars on the road, we can
also
Linking Words
 cut down on traffic jams and road delays.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 trains are expensive, and some believe
this
Linking Words
 money could
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
be spending
show examples
 on
reparing
Correct your spelling
repairing
preparing
 motorways which are used by cars, buses and motorcycles. Another
Correct your spelling
possibility
possiblity
Correct your spelling
possibility
 would be to use
this
Linking Words
 money to build more regular
communter
Correct your spelling
commuter
 trains and buses to service the
ever expanding
Add a hyphen
ever-expanding
show examples
 populations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, boats and ferries could benefit from a budget which focuses more on
existing
Add an article
the existing
show examples
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of transport. In the end, public transport is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 issue which affects us all. The taxes which we pay should
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on the type of transport which will have the most benefit
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all citizens.
In addition
Linking Words
, we need to take into account how much the environment is damaged by fossil, fuels and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe in order to move forward, we need to embrace the idea of
high-speed
Add an article
the high-speed
show examples
 rail so that future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 can continue to live safely and efficiently.
Submitted by sadek.maruf172 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: