IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #center #apartment #buildings #commuters
Certain people believe that replacing
parks
 and
gardens
 near the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
city
 with apartment blocks is the best way to lessen the
time
 spent
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work for commuters. I firmly disagree with
this
 viewpoint. In
this
 essay, I shall decipher the drawbacks of replacing
parks
 and
gardens
 that would cause detrimental impacts on the environment as well as people. To commence with,
parks
 and
gardens
 are considered as lungs of cities.
Although
 it is difficult for commuters to spend much
time
 commuting to work, demolishing recreational areas would not benefit them.
For instance
, when a park or garden is removed for the construction of any sort of building, it will create more traffic congestion in the area of construction. Eventually,
this
 congestion will produce more carbon emissions in the air which leads to air pollution in the
city
.
Therefore
, replacing these areas with buildings does not assist commuters to reduce their
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
time
 to the job.
Furthermore
, playgrounds and
gardens
 are common places for children and adults to spend their leisure
time
 who reside in cities. If it is replaced by a flat or any kind of building,
then
 they will be ending up in spend
time
 in their homes.
Moreover
, more people would migrate to the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
city
 from other suburbs part of the
city
. Eventually, the
city
 will become densely populated and it can lead to heavy traffic congestion during rush hours.
Thus
, it is not a great notion to remove
parks
 and
gardens
 which are located in the
city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 with flats. In conclusion, demolishing these recreational areas will have massive negative impacts on the surroundings as well as the population
such
 as huge air pollution and traffic jam.
Submitted by parukrishna31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: