IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge, but one which teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#curriculum #body #students #change
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Plenty of schools and educational institutes have been teaching obsolete
subjects
Use synonyms
 and concepts to
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
. Many would argue that today's schools should focus more on adaptability than traditional, discrete
subjects
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a strong argument for
this
Linking Words
 contention given the disruptive nature of modern industries, it is
nonetheless
Linking Words
 essential to preserve the traditional role of
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
Correct your spelling
curriculum
curricula
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curricula
.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall highlight my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. Those who support
this
Linking Words
 reform contend that the
skills
Use synonyms
 needed for the modern work environment are changing rapidly. Past generations could rely on
subjects
Use synonyms
 learned in high school and university,
such
Linking Words
 as those related to accounting, finance, and so on, providing lasting job security.
This
Linking Words
 guarantee is less stable now due to advances in automation and technology.
For instance
Linking Words
, human workers are being phased out of specific roles and jobs at many companies and replaced
cheap
Change preposition
with cheap
show examples
 software as the former cannot update their
skills
Use synonyms
 as fast as the latter.
Therefore
Linking Words
, schools should teach adaptable methods for handling change to help them cope with an uncertain future job market. Logically, most of the
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as math, sciences, history, physical education, etc., will not yield practical
skills
Use synonyms
 used daily throughout life, which is the source of many later complaints about
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 curriculum. An excellent example of
this
Linking Words
 would be Steve Jobs's classes about calligraphy in university, which later informed the lasting design of computer interfaces and word processors. In conclusion, despite realistic employment apprehensions, it is indispensable for students to possess foundational knowledge about various disciplines.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the contrast between subject knowledge and flexible
skills
Use synonyms
 is not always essential.
Submitted by venkysai670 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: