IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As plenty of movie
stars
Use synonyms
 or athletes are becoming very popular
people
Use synonyms
 in the public and society, some believe that
have
Correct pronoun usage
they have
show examples
 their own drawbacks and merits. In my opinion, I
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 belief that being a popular
person
Use synonyms
 allows them to own a few benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as a huge income or a variety of free goods from the support.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, being a famous
person
Use synonyms
, idols, athletes, singers or movie
stars
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 earn a large amount of income. We can see the
stars
Use synonyms
 whom we loved ones are always showing everywhere, on television, in magazines or on posters, meaning they created opportunities by becoming popular.
For instance
Linking Words
, Angela Baby was an unknowing model. After she married a top star, making her
to being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
well-knowing
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 and popular
person
Use synonyms
;
thus
Linking Words
, she got a lot of jobs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, owning massive income not only
bosses
Verb problem
includes bosses
show examples
 who
funded
Wrong verb form
fund
show examples
 a company but
also
Linking Words
 superstars who are famous to the public.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the companies like to support their merchandise with
well-knowing
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
stars
Use synonyms
, athletes or bloggers. As they are popular, numerous companies want their goods to be exposed by famous
people
Use synonyms
;
hence
Linking Words
, they, famous
people
Use synonyms
, acquire a few free
merchandise
Check wording
items
show examples
 from the businesses.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my friends, a
Youtuber
Use the right word
YouTuber
show examples
, recorded his interesting life every day
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the public. After
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
being a
well-knowing Youtuber
Use the right word
well-known YouTuber
show examples
, he received plentiful free goods from different businesses. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, being a popular one can have a lot of free stuff.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 becoming a
well-knowing
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
person
Use synonyms
accompany
Correct subject-verb agreement
accompanies
show examples
 a few drawbacks, I firmly think
this
Linking Words
 own
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big benefits.

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structure
Use a clear plan: an intro, two or three ideas in the body, and a short ending.
structure
Put a clear sentence at the start of each paragraph to show its main idea.
content
Give more examples and explain why they show the point.
language
Correct small grammar and use simple, exact words.
content
The writer shares an opinion and gives reasons.
examples
There are real life examples used by the writer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity
  • fame
  • benefit
  • problem
  • privacy
  • pressure
  • stress
  • scrutiny
  • money
  • wealth
  • career
  • opportunity
  • influence
  • platform
  • fans
  • public
  • media
  • health
  • safety
  • family
  • friends
  • work
  • travel
  • role model
  • responsibility
  • control
  • loneliness
  • support
  • lesson
  • balance
What to do next:
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