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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are turning towards fast food for their man meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays one of the wealthy food industries is
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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 food
domains
Fix the agreement mistake
domain
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. A vast number of
people
Use synonyms
 are leaning on them as their main courses. While they are usually available anywhere and not surprisingly, extremely appealing, I believe the demerits of
this
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 ongoing food group are utterly hazardous, especially for children. It has been proven several times that fast
foods
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 cannot serve human bodies in a healthy way.
First
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 of all, they conclude lots of calories and fats which could not be burnt easily, controversially could be stored in our cells
in
Change preposition
at
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 a fast pace. Obviously,
this
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 increases the percentage of obesity worldwide as well as
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
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 the individuals` appetite for other kinds of ingredients. The most vulnerable group of
people
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 who significantly consume fast
foods
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 are kids,
that
Correct word choice
and
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 most of them will struggle with physical distresses like diabetes type 2 and severe exhaustion
subsequently
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. Despite the fact that these
chain
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chains
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 of
foods
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 have been enormously negative, they provide some positive points attracting
people
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 to eat them. It is irresistible that they are not
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 in terms of preparation ,
however
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, their following health consequences perhaps might stay with
people
Use synonyms
 for a long period.
Additionally
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, their versatility and pleasant taste cannot be made at home. That being said, scientific literature implies that they trigger a content pulse in our brains that tempt us to order them again.
As a result
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, the benefits seem to be a path for
progress
Add an article
the progress
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 of disadvantages in our bodies. In conclusion,
although
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 fast
foods
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 are widely consumed and homemade
foods
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 have already given their place to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, undoubtedly, they have
also
Linking Words
 exacerbated
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans` health conditions.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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