IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to buy a house with enough money in hand, while some think to enter a business. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Money is one of the most essential entities in our lives. Some individuals are interested in affording a permanent shelter for them when they have enough capital in hand.
However
Linking Words
, there are various people who choose to do
business
Use synonyms
 and expand their capital. In my view, using money to grow wealth is an optimum choice, but still, I will discuss both views with logical elements and illustrations. The
first
Linking Words
 s choose to interfere company, bossed a The
first
Linking Words
 paragraph will suggest why investing capital into
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 is fruitful.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work is always capable of returning life-long profits.
Hence
Linking Words
, people
first
Linking Words
 think of investing a sum in any
business
Use synonyms
 of their interest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, since a fund draws funds, with a smart plan and a knowledgeable mind, a person may be able to afford anything once the
business
Use synonyms
 blossoms.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a
business
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 provides a source of
employment
Use synonyms
 which is capable of yielding more fruitful rewards than any company or organization can provide.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people jump into
business
Use synonyms
 with high ambitions and a hope to find a permanent base of
employment
Use synonyms
 which can fulfil any of their dreams.
Thus
Linking Words
,
business
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way attracts many individuals to invest their capital into it. Alternatively, buying a
house
Use synonyms
 can be a good idea in itself.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, definitely earning a
house
Use synonyms
 gives a sense of security and a life-long shelter.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is a big sigh of relief to be able to own. an apartment for a person who has a family with some basic expectations. Apart from that, a bungalow can
also
Linking Words
 appear to be a healthy investment as its value is always expected to increase with time.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 considered a good scope of investment.
Hence
Linking Words
, for the public who love to invest in properties.It is a never-ending choice.
Thus
Linking Words
, owning a
house
Use synonyms
 has its own advantages. Now,
although
Linking Words
 earning a flat contains any risks close to negligible, it still is a dead investment. Of course, being a tenant and earning fixed rent every month launches a new scope of earning, but one can always do better in the field.
Besides
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 with a proper plan and management is capable of rewarding abundant profits, through which one could buy any number of properties. Above all, though a home can be the need of the hour for many populations, opting for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work can make them more capable and less helpless against any basic or materialistic needs. To sum up, buying a
house
Use synonyms
 or starting a new trade, is a debatable issue, and demands individual perception.
However
Linking Words
, since I believe that not a
house
Use synonyms
, but a
business
Use synonyms
 happens to be the solution to all our worries, I highly recommend kick-starting a new work for someone who possesses enough capital in hand.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: