IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think that children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
Today, many
families
 migrate
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
show examples
 for work opportunities. Some are of the opinion
that is
 advantageous for the
children
 of these
families
; whereas a few
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
state
Change the wording
states
show examples
 that
children
 will observe more difficult.
Therefore
, ahead of my
preference
Add a comma
,preference
show examples
 both viewpoints would be discussed. Discussing the former view the proponent reason that,the
children
 learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 so they speak English
fluency
Replace the word
fluently
show examples
 and speak with
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 without any fear.
For instance
, nowadays, many
children
 do not participate
speaking
Change preposition
in speaking
show examples
 concerns because of their stage fear.
However
,
children
 get higher education and job opportunities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abroad.
Moreover
,
children
 learn their
culture
 because Indian
culture
 and foreign
culture
 are very different .
For example
, when women live foreign country so they dress up
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 clothes and they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live
India
Change preposition
in India
show examples
 so they wear traditional dress.
On the other hand
, there are some problems
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 working with
families
.
To begin
 with, both the parents are working so there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough time
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
.
Therefore
, working with
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 can provide complete love and care to the
children
.
Further
,
children
 do not learn
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
culture
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. many people feel homesick and lonely and
Correct your spelling
therefore
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 cannot adjust
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign country. Many
children
 do not make friends because they are do not know how their
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and
they
Correct word choice
whether they
show examples
 good or not To sum up and offer my position I would support the latter opinion
Correct your spelling
to
ot
Correct your spelling
to
 a large extent.
Although
 some
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 with
families
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
advantageous.
Submitted by s.a.patadiya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: