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Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
A strata
Correct the article-noun agreement
Strata
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 of the population believe that
song
 is one major means of uniting individuals of diverse traditions. I strongly agree with
this
 assertion because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it provides a common sense of identity as well as fostering happiness among different
people
 To start with,
Music
 provides means of recognition
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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people
Change preposition
for people
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 of like minds. To exemplify, Shan Tizzle, a popular Nigerian artist disclosed to the public, while granting an interview
in
Change preposition
on
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 an entertainment television program that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
 did know that he hail from
Change the capitalization
Yoruba
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yoruba
Correct article usage
the yoruba
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 tribe until he started singing
yoruba
Change the capitalization
Yoruba
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 songs and despite
this
, he was able to relate effectively with individuals from different tribes,
thus
 giving him a sense of
identification
Replace the word
identity
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 within and outside the country. In view of
this
, l am of the opinion that
music
 serves a major purpose of identifying persons.
Additionally
, melodies encourage joy in the lives of
people
.
This
 implies that playing
music
 gives peace of mind and
this
 is reflected on their faces.
Correct your spelling
In fact
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
, there is no known place where
music
 is being played that peace and joy do not exist either as a person or in a group, to illustrate, a trending
song
 by kiss Daniel, who is a renowned Nigerian classical musician,
title
Wrong verb form
titled
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 'buga' was rated as the most shazamed
song
 in the whole world despite the fact that it was composed with a mix of Yoruba and pidgin, and whenever
people
 sing the
song
, the joy they derive from it, is always apparent on their faces. In conclusion, l strongly affirm that
music
 helps to promote happiness and recognition among
people
 regardless of tribes,
races
Fix the agreement mistake
race
show examples
 and cultural differences.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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