IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is argued that people will gain more benefits when engaging in team sports such as football. Other people, however, believe that it is better to participate in individual sports like golf or tennis. I personally agree with the first group

#people #gain #team #sports #football #golf #tennis #first #group
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Nowadays,
sports
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 become a major part of
people
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's activities. There is a group of
people
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 are thinking that
people
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 should participate in
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, but others think
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 different way.
This
Linking Words
 statement will present both
Correct your spelling
thought
taught
tought
Correct your spelling
thoughts
. On the one hand, to enjoy the
sports
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 activities,
people
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 have to play the
sports
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 that are
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 to earn more
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 and get to communicate with other
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if you play
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
football
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 there are 11
people
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 in each
team
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, you will get to know a lot of
people
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 than individual
sports
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. some other players could give you advice and suggest how to play football better.
However
Linking Words
,
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 in
team
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sports
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 will make you enjoy and will never get bored of it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, attending
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
sports
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such
Linking Words
 as golf, tennis, or badminton will gain more
benefits
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 from it.
In addition
Linking Words
, you will get to be with yourself and be more patient.
Correct your spelling
Even though
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 you will not get to communicate like
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team
Add an article
a team
show examples
sport
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 but there is
community
Add an article
a community
the community
show examples
 that
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 you
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
. Other than that, your friends from individual
sports
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 will be your opponents too.
For example
Linking Words
, golf is a
sport
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 that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a lot of patients, but after the match
is end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
, you will get to communicate with
opponents
Correct pronoun usage
your opponents
show examples
 and at
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
,last
show examples
 they will become
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
friends
Add the comma(s)
,friends
show examples
. To summarize,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
sport
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 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
benefits
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. It depends on the player,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 much they will earn the
benefits
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 from it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I think that engaging in
team
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sports
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 will give me
benefits
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 more than individual activities because I am more enjoy when I am with a lot of
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, you have to choose your own
sport
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 and gain the
benefits
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 as much as possible.
Submitted by phakinyiangyong on

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