IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?

#people #behaviour #lack #respect #situation
It is unfortunate that in the midst of vast progress in every field of life there is
also
 a growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
antisocial behaviour and
people
 have become less respectful of each other.
This
 essay intends to analyze some causes of
this
 phenomenon and
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 some ways to ameliorate the situation. Today, we live in an era of technology in which the whole Earth has shrunk and become a global village. Everybody is connected to everybody through telephone lines and the Internet, but the warmth of relationships has taken a back seat. Most
people
 have more than enough wealth, comfort and freedom, but their hearts desire even more. To satisfy their
hearts
Change noun form
heart's
hearts'
show examples
 greed
people
 have become workaholics, and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 have no time for family and friends.
People
 have become selfish, isolated and indifferent. Each person is busy in his own quest for more. To add to it, the youngsters who are at ease with the new technology think that the elderly are good for nothing and
that is
 why they don't respect them. The changing family structure is another big cause of
this
 phenomenon. Earlier,
people
 lived in joint families and the grandparents were there to supervise the children. Now there are nuclear families in which both parents go out to work, and children are left unattended in the hands of pervasive media like the TV and the Internet. No one monitors what they watch and they see the programs full of violence and crime, which makes them
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
. The pressure of consumerist society and peers
also
 breeds
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 behaviour. To add to it, the values of traditional culture are being lost and
people
 are following the global culture, which is
also
 considered
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 by the orthodox elderly. There are many solutions to
this
 problem.
To begin
 with,
people
 have to learn to strike a balance between work and family life. Government should
also
 fix the maximum hours a worker can work per week so that exploitation is not there in the job market.
People
 should revert back to the old joint family system.
This
 would be
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the benefit of all. The children would learn moral values and the elderly would be well looked after.
Negative
Correct article usage
The negative
show examples
 effects of excessive consumerism should be taught to the
people
. Media can play a big role in highlighting the good points of the traditional and the western culture so that the
people
 can adopt good social values. Neighbourhood associations should be set up to connect
people
 to each other. Summing up,
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 behaviour and mutual lack of respect in today's times can be dealt with by taking simple measures, and individuals and governments should collectively take these steps
Submitted by selkghaffari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: