IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for children. Discuss both views and give your own pinion

#families #move #countries #work #people #children #benefit #life #pinion
Nowadays many families migrate to foreign countries for work.
This
 creates a sparking debate in which some believe that the
children
 will be benefited from moving abroad whereas some
Correct your spelling
oppose
Correct your spelling
oppose
itoppose
Correct pronoun usage
ititoppose
show examples
. In
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will look
firstly
 at the positives and
then
 at the negatives with relevant examples.
However
, in my ,
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 the pros outweigh the cons.
To begin
 with, family is important.
Therefore
, migrating together as a family will be beneficial to maintaining the family bond.
Moreover
,
children
 growing up with their biological parents are more safe and
secure
Correct quantifier usage
more secure
show examples
 than
children
 under the custody of others.
For instance
, statistics prove that many
children
 assaulted are not under the protection of their parents.
Children
 can
also
 gain new cultural experiences
in addition
 to experience in
high-quality
Add an article
the high-quality
show examples
 education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and medical facilities especially if they are from a
third
-world country.
On the other hand
, moving to a foreign land will affect negatively. To elaborate
further
 on
this
 matter, many young
children
 in countries
such
 as Sri Lanka, and India are bought up by their grandparents and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they have a close relationship with their extended family. When the youngsters are taken away from them they will be homesick. But
this
 can be minimised as technology is developed and there are plenty of free apps with video calls.
Additionally
, when young people grow up in other countries they will lose track of their cultural values. In conclusion, families moving abroad to work has both advantages and disadvantages
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
. In my point of ,view the pros outweigh the cons.
Submitted by Chathusizzie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: