IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men
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Female rights are lawfully fundamental rights for each and every woman. Numerous groups of society are of the opine that
women
 should be permitted to join military
forces
similarly
 to men. I strongly agree with the statement that there should be gender equality so that
women
 can not only achieve their perennial career of being patriotic
,
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 but
also
 earn
money
 for their families. In the following ,paragraphs I would like to elaborate on my viewpoint with relevant examples. To commence with, innumerable female candidates generally have the desire to serve their country.
Additionally
,
women
 constantly excel physically and mentally when compared to men because of their inherited capabilities of being strong and remaining calm with mindfulness during unpleasant situations
such
 as war.
For instance
, a scholarly article displays that around eighty-two per cent of female candidates in the past were always hired for military services. Rani Laxmi Bai is the epitome of a female warrior globally.
Thus
,
women
 should be considered prominently in the military.
Furthermore
, in the cutting-edge world, earning
money
 is a significantly important part of survival whilst being a man or a woman. Proliferate females joining government
forces
 will provide
them
Correct your spelling
the
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Add an article
the
an
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opportunity to work and earn
money
.
This
 implies that
,
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 the government in a way is helping
women
 to be financially independent.
For example
, a recent survey elaborates that the military
forces
 hiring
women
 had drastically spiked by three-quarter times compared to men.
As a result
,
women
 can support their families with the earned
money
 as well as gain respect in society. To encapsulate, I would like to pen down by saying that military
forces
 should consider
women
 equally important to focus on their duty to protect the country which not only helps them feel honoured and proud but
also
 provides an opportunity for earning their daily bread.
Submitted by zankrut on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • combat roles
  • physical prowess
  • stamina
  • dynamics
  • cohesion
  • resilience
  • integration
  • gender disparities
  • morale
  • recruitment
  • retention
  • biological differences
  • stereotypes
  • feminism
  • glass ceiling
  • break barriers
  • pioneer
  • groundbreaking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: