Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since social
media
Use synonyms
have grown, the issue of the security of personal data is ambiguous. In spite of
this
Linking Words
fact, social
media
Use synonyms
is the most popular leisure time activity. In
this
Linking Words
essay, the pros and cons of social networks will be discussed. On the one hand, the safety of using the internet is questionable. Nowadays kids, who are allowed to use the Net without control from an early age, can face
such
Linking Words
problems as talking to strangers, cyberbullying or adult content.
That is
Linking Words
why psychologists are trying to prevent adults from giving internet access to children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
has a destructive influence on the young community. Statistics demonstrate, that teenagers tend to compare their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
with others,
this
Linking Words
is the number one problem in psychology sessions. The result of
lives
Change the noun form
life
show examples
comparison is different disorders
such
Linking Words
as depression, borderline personality disorder and anxiety.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
is a great tool not only for keeping up with family and friends but
also
Linking Words
an opportunity to expand the network.
For instance
Linking Words
, LinkedIn is a social
media
Use synonyms
platform to find jobs,
like-minded
Correct word choice
and like-minded
show examples
people or do important career courses.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the internet is the fastest way to find all the needed data. People can hardly imagine themselves opening a dictionary or a cooking book to find necessary information.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the usage of social
media
Use synonyms
is a must-have for all age groups.
However
Linking Words
, the whole world faces serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
security on social
media
Use synonyms
platforms, despite
this
Linking Words
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
still outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by qannelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, but the conclusion needs to provide a stronger stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure overall, but there is room for improvement in providing a clearer introduction and conclusion that directly address the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: