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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some
people
 agree that
music
 is a good way to bring
people
 together from different
cultures
 and
ages
 but some
people
 may disagree with
this
 topic. From my perspective, I strongly agree that
music
 is a good way to bring
people
 from different
cultures
 and
ages
 together. I once have a chance to attend
to
Change preposition
apply
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a concert held by a famous Korean singer who sings only in Korean. In
this
 concert, I can see the wide age range of the audience are between 10 and 60 years old, majority of the audience are from different countries, races,
cultures
Correct word choice
and cultures
show examples
 and speaks
in
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apply
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different languages. During the
concert
Add a comma
,concert
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 everyone seems to be
enjoying
Correct pronoun usage
itenjoying
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, even though we do not fully understand the meaning of the songs. Followed by the flow of rhythm, the
music
 brought us to sing together with the singer in
Korean
Change the article
the Korean
show examples
 language. I remembered a famous foreign singer once said that ‘there is no language barrier when it comes to
music
’.
On the other hand
,
music
 can be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
comes
Correct pronoun usage
who comes
show examples
 from different
ages
 and
cultures
 because
music
 with different genre and rhythm give different vibes, some
music
 can help to reduce anxiety and release stress.
For instance
, during yoga
class
Add a comma
,class
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
music
 can make everyone feels better and more
concentrate
Replace the word
concentrated
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.
Music
 not only
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
people
 together but has the power to heal mental and physical health. In conclusion,
music
 can bring
people
 from different
cultures
,
ages
 and backgrounds together because
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
 to
music
 or
sing
Wrong verb form
singing
show examples
 together can bring social closeness and connection between each other.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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