IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single some people say that this information may be relevant and useful other disagree discuss about these views and give your own opinion

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Getting essential details of new employees is really
imortant
Correct your spelling
important
 by employers when they are
recuiting
Correct your spelling
recruiting
.
These information
Change the determiner
This information
show examples
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consist of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
wide categories varying from their qualifications to their personal data. No one can be
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 certain about whether
this
Linking Words
 information can be one hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 beneficial or not. Some people believe,
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 only should ask about crucial things
such
Linking Words
 as academic qualifications and degrees which are related to their education because they only require their
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to
utilizt
Correct your spelling
utilize
 at any workplace and getting any detail about
personal
Add an article
the personal
show examples
 life of new workforce would be useless.
In addition
Linking Words
, in their point of view, anything
such
Linking Words
 as their
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
, sports abilities or maternity situation which are not related to their area of
specilazation
Correct your spelling
specialization
 not play any role in making progress and only
satisfy
Correct subject-verb agreement
satisfies
show examples
 the employer's sense of curiosity. Some other inhabitants
argure
Correct your spelling
argue
 that how much an employer
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 more about their staff the more achievement can
be obtain
Change the verb form
be obtained
show examples
 by them as a team. Because for attaining better results and goals working team members and coworkers must be matched more.
For instance
Linking Words
, by
knowning
Correct your spelling
knowing
 the general qualities, features, characteristics, lifestyles, social
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, various skills containing social, sports,
artistic
Correct word choice
and artistic
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the manager
divding
Correct your spelling
dividing
 duties and responsibilities become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier and helpful.
As a result
Linking Words
, having
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about all sides of personnel can help them to promote better and become more successful. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclusin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, many people think that asking about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
Correct your spelling
information
informaion
Correct your spelling
information
 is a useless job and it will not
Correct your spelling
affect
affecte
Correct your spelling
affect
 any aspects of working but when we think as a professional
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 we understand all psychological and physical
in addition
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 must be asked. I agree with asking all aspects of people who are invited for
Add an article
an interview
show examples
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
 to become more capable to deal with tasks and colleagues.
Submitted by saeedforoghi538 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: