These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #video #games #parents

Nowadays

children

are addicted to playing

video

games

and the parents think that

this

cause

Change the verb form

causes

show examples

a negative effects

Correct the article-noun agreement

negative effects

a negative effect

show examples

children

's life.I completely agree with

this

and in

this

essay

Add an article

an essay

the essay

show examples

I will discuss the cons of playing

games

with relevant examples.

First

and foremost,

video

games

are a great way of entertainment.

However

, addiction to that causes health issues

such

as diabetes, obesity, stress and depression.

For instance

, Based on

studies

children

are less active these days,

consequently

Add a comma

,consequently

show examples

they suffer from high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes.

Moreover

children

who spend the majority of the day playing

games

feel lonely as they have less or no communication with friends and family and they would not have any friends to express their feelings or to make memorable experiences.

Thus

, the suicide rate of

children

had surged over

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent years.

Secondly

video

games

also

affect academics negatively. When

children

pay more attention to

games

, their attention to

studies

plummets. Staying late at night will make

children

exhaust to focus on

studies

and they will not have enough time to complete their homework.

As a result

, their grades will be lower and lose interest in their

studies

over time. To exemplify, after the holidays the young schoolers will be very lazy to attend school as they were drifted away from education for a long time. In conclusion, even though playing

video

games

is a mode of entertainment it brings a lot of negativities into

children

's life.

Therefore

, it is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

responsibility of the parents to educate

children

on how to balance entertainment and education.

Submitted by Chathusizzie on Tue Jul 05 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

If a product is good or it meets people's needs, people will buy it so advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be a case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. DO the advanatges of this outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more companies allow their employees to work from home rather than going into an office each day.Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?