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Band 5

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer?

#families
Everyone comes from a family which is the closest person to
people
’s life. But it
seems
Add the particle
toseems
show examples
 appear some changes in the distance between
families
 recently. As far as I am concerned, there are some reasons
making
Change preposition
for making
show examples
this
 phenomenon happen and the solution to
this
 problem would be easier for everyone to do. With the rapid development of technology,
people
 spent more time on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 than before. In the past, there were not any smartphones or tablets
appear
Wrong verb form
appeared
show examples
 on the dining table when the family was having a meal together. After those devices comes
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life,
people
 used to have fun
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the phone rather than talking with parents or
families
. It totally contributes a huge effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a family’s relationship. If
people
 do not
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
interact
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 in person
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
Add an article
the connection
a connection
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other will become
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hard work.
On the other hand
, chatting on social media with
families
 would not obtain any emotion or feeling.
However
,
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family is not so hard for everyone with some fundamental methods.
Firstly
, hanging out with
families
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free time
instead
 staying
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 video games.
Although
 those electronic devices are quite interesting,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is
hardly
Replace the word
hard
show examples
 to share with other
people
.
Secondly
,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 more
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 between
families
 by
communicate
Change the verb form
communicating
show examples
 will help a lot on known each other.
For example
, if
people
 have more
recognizes
Replace the word
recognition
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 that will know deeply and can get closer easily. To sum up, more and more
families
 have huge distance between each other. In my opinion, it was due to several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 and it was
easily
Replace the word
easy
show examples
 to solve
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by patrick880613 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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