IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays because
of
Change preposition
apply
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most
products
Use synonyms
 in supermarkets contain a high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 which can lead to several diseases, the cost of
sugar
Use synonyms
 should be raised. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
sugar
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 can cause addictiveness which can be a reason for impulsive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and obesity.
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Also
Add a comma
,Also
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people
Use synonyms
 can still consume it by eating fruits which contain natural
glucose
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. It is claimed that
sugar
Use synonyms
 can have the same addictive effect as nicotine. As
people
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 who utilize cigarettes often behave in
impulsive
Change the article
an impulsive
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 way to buy more
Add a hyphen
nicotine-containing
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nicotine containing
Add a hyphen
nicotine-containing
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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, the comparable effect has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
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. Cakes, chocolate, pies, and other tasty
products
Use synonyms
often
Add a missing verb
are often
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 popular among
people
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 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 sweetness and they tend to eat more because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 sweet taste.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 may have a few problems with excess weight.
Thus
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, it is vital to cut the production of
enormous
Add an article
the enormous
an enormous
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 its price. There are healthy alternatives to
sugar
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such
Linking Words
 as fruits and vegetables. Many
people
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 don’t see that they can naturally get a daily amount of
glucose
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 by eating healthy
products
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. A lot of fruits that are affordable to most
people
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 contain a big amount of
glucose
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 which is the main source of energy.
In addition
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, they contain not only
glucose
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 vitamins, macro-,
microelements
Correct word choice
and microelements
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 which are
also
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essential
Add an article
an essential
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of maintaining our health.
For example
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,
orange
Fix the agreement mistake
oranges
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,
spinach
Correct word choice
and spinach
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contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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 vitamin C, and if
people
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 don’t take
daily
Add an article
a daily
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 dose of
this
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 vitamin, it will lead to
disease
Add an article
a disease
show examples
 called
cinga
Correct your spelling
Icinga
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, consuming them can be a good alternative to chocolates and other sugary
products
Use synonyms
 which harms our well-being. In conclusion, soda and other drinks contain
sugar
Use synonyms
 in big doses which can cause
people
Use synonyms
 unconsciously consume it more,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is unhealthy for them.
People
Use synonyms
 will spend less money buying them
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if their price is higher, and
instead
Linking Words
 of
them
Add a comma
,them
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 the popularity of natural
products
Use synonyms
 will increase.
That is
Linking Words
 why I believe
this
Linking Words
 decision may contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 changing the routine of society and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 new habits into their lives.
Submitted by olga.sivtsova79 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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