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Band 4

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

#nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens
Its often said that poorer
country
 always have a slower growth rate, and there are several countries who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 facing the issue of poverty.
Add an article
A nation
The nation
show examples
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are better in growth and not facing
this
 drastic problem can help other nations by providing them
food
Change preposition
with food
show examples
 and good
education
. I strongly don’t agree that wealthy countries should help other nations in terms of
Education
 and
Food
 because the
government
 should be more self-depended and should take the responsibility for their
nation
 as well
their
Correct word choice
as their
show examples
 citizens.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should start some programs which include free
education
.
Education
 is always
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a backbone of a
nation
 and if a child is getting
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
education
, they will get a wealthy job in future which boost the economy of the
country
,
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in India there are lots of programs by the
government
 which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 free
education
 as well as free
food
. Later with good
education
Add a comma
,education
show examples
 these children get a job in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big multinational company and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 received
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of tax which help the
nation
 to become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
wealthier and improves the economy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
country
.
On the other hand
, if a
government
 of
poorer
Correct article usage
a poorer
show examples
nation
 ask for help
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 wealthy nations it can cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future problem like the poorer
nation
 is being
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on the wealthy
nation
 to provide
food
 and
education
 to their citizens. It will never motivate them to start a program which gives free
education
 and free
food
 like
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
government
 is doing for their
nation
’s wealth. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 every
nation
 took their responsibility on
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own and should not be dependent
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any other
country
.
Submitted by vkworkss on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • global stability
  • economic self-sufficiency
  • sustainable development
  • capacity-building
  • foreign aid
  • mutual benefits
  • trade relations
  • long-term outcomes
  • dependency
  • moral obligation
  • alleviate poverty
  • humanitarian assistance
  • resource allocation
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