In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

The graph and chart above demonstrate the data on the
species
Change noun form
species'
show examples
extinctions and the threats to their lives. Having a glance at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
first
graph, it is easily observed the line started going up at 5,000 species vanishing per ten years since 2000 and predicted it will reach a peak at 50,000 from 2040 to 2050.
Then
, slowly
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
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in the
next
decades and meet the point of 30,000
plant
Change to a plural noun
plants
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and animal loss in 2100. When looking at the
second
chart, there are two layers of the circle, the inside represents the overall impact (human and natural), while the outside
demonstrate
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demonstrates
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detailed information
of
Change preposition
about
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the effects on
plants
Change noun form
plants'
plant's
show examples
lives. The impact of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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on
plant
life could be mentioned as agriculture, whose ratio accounted for 18.7%, harvesting (14.4%) and development (10.4%). The others factors are widely raging between 4 to 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
On the other hand
, there are 7% natural disasters and 11.7% other natural events that have
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
on
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
. In short, the gap between the proportion of human and natural affect
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
is a significant number,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the ratio of human impact is five times larger than natural events.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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