IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

#countries #parents #children #focus #studies #people #first #job #college #school #approach
The graph and chart above demonstrate the data on the
species
Change noun form
species'
show examples
 extinctions and the threats to their lives. Having a glance at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
first
 graph, it is easily observed the line started going up at 5,000 species vanishing per ten years since 2000 and predicted it will reach a peak at 50,000 from 2040 to 2050.
Then
, slowly
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
 in the
next
 decades and meet the point of 30,000
plant
Change to a plural noun
plants
show examples
 and animal loss in 2100. When looking at the
second
 chart, there are two layers of the circle, the inside represents the overall impact (human and natural), while the outside
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 detailed information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the effects on
plants
Change noun form
plants'
plant's
show examples
 lives. The impact of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 on
plant
 life could be mentioned as agriculture, whose ratio accounted for 18.7%, harvesting (14.4%) and development (10.4%). The others factors are widely raging between 4 to 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are 7% natural disasters and 11.7% other natural events that have
influence
Add an article
an influence
show examples
 on
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
. In short, the gap between the proportion of human and natural affect
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 is a significant number,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the ratio of human impact is five times larger than natural events.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: