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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Nowadays, Superannuation is determined at a pre defined period by the higher authorities.
However
, It is believed by some people that fixation
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
age
 for every employee, irrespective of their work, is totally an injustice. According to their perspective, certain employees should have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get retirement benefits at their earlier phase. I completely agree with them.
This
 essay will shed light on the reasons behind
this
 in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are various factors which support
this
.
Firstly
, Some workers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
indulged in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tasks which costs them their liberty and freedom to enjoy their time with their family and relatives. Early retirement
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 them with the opportunity to utilize
this
 period.
For instance
, an Army personnel is not able to find time for his personal life due to the tough situations present in the work environment,
however
, retirement at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
 will
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 them to accompany their close ones.
Secondly
, People suffering from some sort of medical ailments will
also
 get advantages from
this
 scheme as well.
On the other hand
, It
also
 benefits myriad people working in various sectors. Primarily, Workers who are serving the nation will get benefit from
this
 scheme. It will
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 them to enjoy their life to the fullest.
For example
, Military
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
as well as Policemen who perform regular duties
Add the comma(s)
, as well as Policemen who perform regular duties,
show examples
 deserve to receive
pension
Add an article
a pension
show examples
 at an earlier
age
 than others.
Additionally
, Persons with
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues can
also
 be included in the list of persons who are eligible to enjoy
this
 perk. To conclude I would like to reiterate that Government and Law-makers should make the policies for the aforesaid categories of workers in order to assure their interests.
Therefore
, I agree with the above-said question that some employees
desrves
Correct your spelling
deserves
deserve
 to retire at an earlier
age
.
Submitted by kuljeetkaur19941 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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