Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit

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Nowadays, Superannuation is determined at a pre-defined period by the higher authorities.

However

, Some people

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that fixing the retirement age for every employee, irrespective of their work is totally an injustice.

According to

their perspective, certain employees should have a chance to get after-service benefits at their earlier phase. I completely agree with them.

This

essay will shed light on the reasons behind it in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with, there are various factors which support

this

Firstly

, Some workers

indulged

Wrong verb form

indulge

show examples

in tasks which

costs

Wrong verb form

cost

show examples

them their liberty and freedom to enjoy their time with their family and relatives. Early retirement provides them with the opportunity to utilize that period.

For instance

, an Army personnel is not able to find time for his personal life

due to

the tough situations present in the work environment,

however

, retirement at an early age will enable them to accompany their close ones.

Secondly

, People suffering from some sort of medical ailments will

also

get advantages from

this

scheme as well.

On the other hand

, It

also

benefits myriad people working in various sectors. Primarily, Workers who are serving the nation will

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

benefit from

this

scheme. It will enable them to enjoy their life to the fullest.

For example

, Military personnel,

as well as

Policemen who perform regular duties, deserve to receive a pension at an earlier stage than others.

Additionally

, Persons with health-related issues can

also

be included in the list of persons who are eligible to enjoy

this

perk.

To conclude

I would like to reiterate that

Government

Correct article usage

the Government

show examples

and Law-makers should make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

policies for the aforesaid categories of workers in order to

assure

Verb problem

ensure

show examples

their interests.

Therefore

, I agree with the above-said question that some employees deserve to retire at an earlier age.

Submitted by kuljeetkaur19941 on Sun Jul 10 2022

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task response

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to support it with relevant examples. However, it can benefit from a more detailed exploration of ideas to enhance clarity and comprehension.

coherence and cohesion

While the essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, some transitions between ideas can be smoother to facilitate better flow.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure all main points are thoroughly supported with explanations and examples to improve coherence.

task response

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt and addresses the main parts of the question.

task response

Good attempt to include relevant examples to support your point of view.

coherence and cohesion

Logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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