IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree ot disagree with this opinion.

#visitors #attractions #ot
Many
people
 are of the opinion that tourists should make payment for traditional and ancient attractions more than the citizens.
This
 essay agrees with
this
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 and it will discuss reasons foreigners should pay more than citizens. The visit of
people
 to tourism nowadays is alarming,
however
 for an attraction centre to be in good shape it has to be maintained, ancient models and the activities present there has to be functional, it should
also
 be accessible to everyone, but all
this
 cannot be possible without funds,
hence
 the need for more payment from visitors. An example is a report I read about
Mambila
Correct article usage
the Mambila
show examples
 plateau, with several ancient arts and models and they were all maintained by the money gotten from
people
 who came from abroad.
Furthermore
, the provisions of basic infrastructure to the communities that
has
Change the verb form
have
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 tourism cannot be
over emphasized
Add a hyphen
over-emphasized
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, amenities
such
 as good road network, medical facilities,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 for lodging and
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
 transport system. All
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 needed to ensure the safety and comfort of the visitors especially those who want to explore for a longer time, a repelling and dangerous location will not be attractive to
outsides
Correct your spelling
outsiders
show examples
 even though it has
cultural
Add an article
a cultural
show examples
 heritage. A typical example was when I visited Ikogosi
warm
Change preposition
in warm
show examples
 spring and we were there late, so we
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 a hotel,
fortunately
Add a comma
,fortunately
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 the place has a beautiful and comfortable lodge which forms part of the experience and fun. In conclusion,
this
 essay was able to discuss the view that adventurers from
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
 should pay more for moribund and cultural heritage than the
people
 of the community. I
also
 recommend that the government pass
this
 into law for every
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
show examples
 centre.
Submitted by bolanlejudith on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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