IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write 250 words.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
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It is often argued that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 part-
time
Use synonyms
 to acknowledge the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
real
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 and neatness.
However
Linking Words
, many people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 shouldn't oblation their
time
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 to rest by doing
an after-school activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
after-school activities
an after-school activity
show examples
 for
work
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. Both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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 are understandable, honestly, I have to mind about
this
Linking Words
, it is a good
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
 to give an early
introducing
Replace the word
introduction
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the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 real
work
Use synonyms
experience
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 by taking a part-
time
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job
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 to the
teenagers
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,
however
Linking Words
, at the same
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time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it can be a
disasters
Correct the article-noun agreement
disaster
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 for their
health
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. In my take on
this
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
, Part-
time
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 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
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 to gain more money and
work
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 experiences that will be valuable later on.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
teenagers
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 in Yogyakarta decided to take
part-
Add an article
the part-time
a part-time
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time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 because companies nowadays are looking for an employee who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worked
experience
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, even
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, they are fresh graduates. Having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real working
experience
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 is precious for their career journey.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 juvenile
time
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 for rest.
For example
Linking Words
, many college
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 in Yogyakarta
having
Wrong verb form
have
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health
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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since
Correct word choice
because
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 they don't have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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proper
time
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 for rest because they need to
work
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 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class until in the middle of the night. Usually,
teenagers
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 who
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 forget their
health
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 and it can be
catastrophe
Add an article
a catastrophe
show examples
 when they become older. To conclude, having a real
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 might be valuable for their career journey. Even so, they need to be careful about their
health
Use synonyms
 issue and know
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 limitation
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
, since
health
Use synonyms
 conditions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 important for their future.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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