Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write 250 words.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities

It is often argued that

teenagers

should

work

part-

time

to acknowledge the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

real

work

experience

and neatness.

However

, many people

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

teenagers

shouldn't oblation their

time

to rest by doing

an after-school activities

Correct the article-noun agreement

after-school activities

an after-school activity

show examples

for

work

. Both

opinion

Change to a plural noun

opinions

show examples

are understandable, honestly, I have to mind about

this

, it is a good

Correct your spelling

thing

show examples

think

Correct your spelling

thing

show examples

to give an early

introducing

Replace the word

introduction

show examples

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

real

work

experience

by taking a part-

time

job

to the

teenagers

however

, at the same

time

Add a comma

,time

show examples

it can be a

disasters

Correct the article-noun agreement

disaster

show examples

for their

health

. In my take on

this

firstly

, Part-

time

can help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

to gain more money and

work

experiences that will be valuable later on.

For instance

, many

teenagers

in Yogyakarta decided to take

part-

Add an article

the part-time

a part-time

show examples

time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

because companies nowadays are looking for an employee who

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

worked

experience

, even

Correct your spelling

though

show examples

tough

Correct your spelling

though

show examples

, they are fresh graduates. Having

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real working

experience

is precious for their career journey.

On the other hand

, the part-

time

job

take

Change the verb form

takes

show examples

juvenile

time

for rest.

For example

, many college

student

Change to a plural noun

students

show examples

in Yogyakarta

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

health

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

since

Correct word choice

because

show examples

they don't have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

proper

time

for rest because they need to

work

after

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

class until in the middle of the night. Usually,

teenagers

who

taking

Wrong verb form

take

show examples

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

part

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

forget their

health

and it can be

catastrophe

Add an article

a catastrophe

show examples

when they become older. To conclude, having a real

work

experience

for

teenagers

might be valuable for their career journey. Even so, they need to be careful about their

health

issue and know

the

Change the word

their

show examples

limitation

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

theirselves

Correct your spelling

themselves

, since

health

conditions

Change the verb form

are

show examples

also

important for their future.

Submitted by miarosmia8 on Mon Jul 11 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that the music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries, students' concentration in the classroom has decreased. What are the reasons for this? What are some possible solutions?

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

There are serious concerns about the sale and production of genetically modified food. Yet, this is necessary if we are to meet the demands of an increasing world population. What is your opinion on this dilemma?