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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. Some people believe that governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#improvements #health #education #trade #development #nations #people #governments #responsibility #areas
The table below
preresent
Correct your spelling
presents
 the comparison with regard to the numbers of tourists visiting
Correct your spelling
Ashdown
Ashdow
Correct article usage
the Ashdow
show examples
Museum
 during the year before and after the
refurbished
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refurbishment
show examples
. As we can see
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase from 74,000 people to 92,000 in the previous year
In addition
, the chart
illustrate
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illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of customers who are pleased
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when they come to the Ashdown
Museum
. During the year before refurbishment, 15% of
visitors
 were extremely
dattisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 with the
museum
, after that , the number
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 up to 20%.
Furthermore
, 40% of total customers
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
felt satisfied ( 10% more than before)
In contrast
, the proportion of dissatisfied
visitors
 fell from 40% to 15%, while the proportion of extremely dissatisfied
visitors
 fell from 5% to 5%. And 5% did not respond to the survey
Finally
, the refurbishment had a great impact on the development of the Ashdown
Museum
 which increase the number of
visitors
 and
also
 heighten their experience here
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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