IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you Agree?

#societies #people #retirement #homes #families #care #members
In
this
 contemporary world, old
people
 living in evacuation houses is a ubiquitous concern and considered inappropriate , because in societies taking concern for them is an assumed family duty.
This
 essay totally agrees with the given statement. Apparently, all families have to care for their
parents
 during their withdrawal maturity, because ,at
this
 age, old
people
 are mentally and physically weak,
also
 most of them cannot live by themselves.
Therefore
, they need
people
 who will help them with housing and cooking as well.
In addition
, in
this
 period of time when
people
 are age, they became sensitive and weak as children. All members of a family are needed when they are old because aged
people
 always want their children to pay attention, load and love them. Any pullout houses can not replace families` places, they are not able to show the precise responsibility and love that families give.
Thus
, it will be definitely appropriate if families look after their
parents
 themselves.
Furthermore
, we cannot deny the fact that when
people
 were kids, their
parents
 did not leave them in orphanages, most of their generation was devoted to breeding their kids.
Although
parents
 are busy with jobs, they could find time to caring their children. By considering
this
 valuable breeding of
parents
, it will be a mistake if
people
 leave their aged
parents
 in retirement homes.
Moreover
, even though old
people
 can take responsibility for themselves,
people
 should not leave them in other places. In their retirement age, elderly
people
 have to spend time with their loved ones, by living full of blissfulness. To conclude, based on the elaborate opinions in the paragraphs, we can conclude that taking care of elderly
people
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the family`s responsibility. Old
people
 did not deserve to live in retirement homes.
Submitted by argyn-34 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: