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Band 5.5

Parents are unhappy with the increasing amount of violence in computer games such as TV programmes and leisure activities. How much harmful it can be on children and what can be done to solve this problem. Give relevant examples from your own experience.

#parents #amount #violence #computer #games #tv #programmes #leisure #activities #children
In
this
 modern era, where technology has become more and more
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 easily to access it was impacted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of
violence
 in computer
games
such
 as TV Programmes and leisure activities
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
influenced the
child's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 to copy that. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it can develop the
children
 to do a harm thing to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Firstly
, the developers of
games
 try to make an interesting game where most of the
games
 was including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
,
such
 as shooting, killing or punching. The
child's
Change the noun form
children
child
show examples
 are interested
by
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 that kind of game,
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
God Of
war
Change the capitalization
War
show examples
 and GTA. Both of the
games
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become the most selling
games
 all of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 full of
violence
.
additionally
, TV programs
such
 as UFC and smack down
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 so popular
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
children
. These
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are about
violence
, in some
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 they are using chairs or tables as a tool to fight. In late 2006, a junior high school was dead by an accident when a group of students play a
smacdown
Correct your spelling
smackdown
.
This
 dead is
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 when one of them
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to copy what he saw
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, smackdown athletes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
athletes
Change the noun form
athlete
show examples
 which is when they fought it just an action. There are so many
children
Correct pronoun usage
who was
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
harm
Wrong verb form
harmed
show examples
 because
play
Change preposition
of play
show examples
 smackdown,
then
smackdown
Correct article usage
the smackdown
show examples
 was banned by
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. It works for a couple of years, but in
this
 era with the growth of
Correct your spelling
technology
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
, too many access to
children
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get access to find
violence
. In 2020 the government
also
 ban some websites
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. The websites are too many to be
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
show examples
,
moreover
, there are many
vpns
Correct your spelling
VPNs
 which
is helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
child's
Change the noun form
children
child
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
through the banned websites.
This
 is why parents must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
give a
characters
Change the noun form
character
show examples
 education to their
children
,
such
 as to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, all the
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 can't be banned by
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 because of the growth of
Correct your spelling
technology
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
. Parents must explain to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
.
Submitted by yudhajatmiko94 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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