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Band 5

some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. do you agree or disagree

#people #women #work #police #force
There is
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
 in some
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 that requires
teenagers
 to do voluntary
work
 in the middle of their free
time
. I strongly agree with that norm because doing some volunteer
work
 can give a
lot
 of benefits to not only
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 but
also
Correct article usage
the teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
First
, unpaid
work
 can
benefit
teenagers
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of experience.
Doing
Change preposition
By doing
show examples
 some voluntary activities,
teenagers
 will gain a
lot
 of advantages,
such
 as knowledge and experience, that can be
Correct your spelling
useful
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for their life in the future. By working
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early
time
,
teenagers
 will force themselves to get used to a
lot
 of
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of occupations that they will face in their
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 when growing
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. Unpaid
work
, largely, helps
teenagers
 to improve their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and character.
Teenagers
 who are
get
Change the form of the verb
getting
show examples
 used to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 a
lot
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, paid or unpaid in the past
time
, will be more
Correct your spelling
persistent
persistant
Correct your spelling
persistent
 and stronger in the future. For
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
, voluntary
works
also
 give a
lot
 of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
. There are many kinds of
works
 in the resident that can be done by
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
such
 as cleaning the public facilities, maintaining
Add an article
a place
the place
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 of worship, and other social voluntary
works
. In school, especially high school,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can participate in a
lot
 of activities that can give
benefit
 to
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
community
. For
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
, despite material
benefit
, unpaid
works
 by
teenagers
also
 bring immaterial
benefit
such
 as improvement in
community
 unity and relationship among member.
Although
 voluntary
work
 by
teenagers
 brings a
lot
 of positive impacts to society,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there must be
regulation
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regulations
show examples
 that
control
Change the verb form
controls
show examples
 that scheme.
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The regulator
show examples
Regulator
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Regulators
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 should impose
clear
Add an article
a clear
show examples
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and
time
 spent by
teenagers
 who are doing voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. The regulation is needed to avoid
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
show examples
 of
teenagers
. In brief,
obligation
Add an article
an obligation
the obligation
show examples
 that requires
teenagers
 to have voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will bring a
lot
 of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 not only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 but
also
teenager
Change preposition
for teenager
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 as long as there is clear
reagulation
Correct your spelling
regulation
regulations
 that
control
Correct subject-verb agreement
controls
show examples
 unpaid
work
 implementation.
Submitted by alimr.bri2 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: