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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students sould study whatever they like. Others believe that they shoyld only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

#people #university #students #sould #study #shoyld #subjects #future #science #technology
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University curriculums become an ongoing debate these days. Some
people
Use synonyms
 recommend that university
students
Use synonyms
 should study their favourite subject. Still, others suggest that the
students
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 should be taught
subjects
Use synonyms
 related to
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 which will be more beneficial for them after graduating. I don't agree with
this
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 point since there are a lot of reasons why
students
Use synonyms
 should follow their dreams. In
this
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 essay, we will explore both views and analyse the details.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 nowadays have to struggle a lot to get high salaries and better job positions to meet their daily costs. So, it is obvious why many of them want their children to learn
science
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 and
technology
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 because these
subjects
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 will ensure them high-paying jobs.
For example
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, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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 is flourishing
leaps
Change preposition
by leaps
show examples
 and bounds, the impact of giant IT companies becomes bigger
as a result
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 the average technician's income becomes at least $20 per hour in the United States.
That is
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 good news for the
students
Use synonyms
 who are interested in
technology
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 and
science
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 but what about others? I believe that learning what you don't want will
give
Verb problem
put
show examples
 you under so much pressure and you can even get depression and low self-esteem.
In other words
Linking Words
, they will become losers compared to others.
Next,
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on the side of
people
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 studying whatever they want, they will be less stressed since they are doing what they want.
That is
Linking Words
 the basic need for one to become successful in his career path. Happy
people
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 can be more creative and more energetic than those with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
.
For instance
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, there are
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many kinds of majors apart from
science
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 and
technology
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such
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 as arts, fashion design, hospitality and business. Many celebrities and talented
people
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 in
this
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 modern world are artists earning so much profit from what they
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to do. Someone needs to immerse themselves in their passion.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
subjects
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 like
science
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 and
technology
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 are more useful and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable, it is undeniable that other
subjects
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also
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 work in their
way
Correct word choice
own way
show examples
. The best decision is to let the
students
Use synonyms
 choose the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that make them happy and serve the world in different types of work.
Submitted by pshinnt on

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grammar
There are a few typographical and grammatical errors in your essay. Make sure to proofread your work before submission.
content
While you have provided examples to support your statements, they could be more clearly connected to your argument. Be explicit in linking your examples to your main ideas.
structure
Consider providing a counter-argument for balance. Do this by outlining a different perspective then countering it with your own point, backed up by evidence or logic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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