IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, we can see lots of youngsters working
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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temporary
jobs
Use synonyms
 while they are studying.
This
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more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 likely to happen to teenagers
of
Change preposition
from
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 poor families.
This
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eassy
Correct your spelling
easy
essay
intendes
Correct your spelling
intended
intends
 to discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views followed by my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs with relevant illustrations. The most significant advantage of doing
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part - time
Correct your spelling
part-time
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jobs
Use synonyms
 is that it
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 teenagers to get experience
for
Change preposition
in
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 many things.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having to work as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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study is a challenging task.
However
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, it isn't impossible to perform two things. He will learn to take
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 and
also
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 know
about
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apply
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how to save hours perfectly.
Secondly
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, by working
to
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with
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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young people,
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the teenager
a teenager
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 will
able
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be able
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 to learn how to deal with people. For illustration, international students prefer to work on
weekly
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week
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 days to learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and how to attend
the
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to the
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costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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. The major drawback of doing
Add a hyphen
part-time
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part -time
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part-time
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jobs
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 is that it can disturb him from his studying because attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class and doing the assignments on time, will be difficult
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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do
as
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of
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 the hours you are working in.
For example
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, according to the report of
international
Correct article usage
an international
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 college, most
of
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apply
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students
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the students
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 of institutions
Add a missing verb
do
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not perform
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because of the pressure of weekend
jobs
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 .
Furthermore
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, it can
hurts
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hurt
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the youths health
Change to a genitive case
the health of the youth
the youth's health
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. The reason for
this
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 is due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of enough sleep and he will be under pressure all day. To conclude,
although
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 teenagers
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part-time
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part- time
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part-time
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 works cause disturbance in studying and
also
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the health of
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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,
i
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I
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 believe that they should do weekly
jobs
Use synonyms
 to get different experience as well as it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to know about how to deal with people.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time work
  • finances
  • time management
  • work-life balance
  • academic performance
  • minimum wage
  • job market
  • social dynamics
  • work experience
  • career development
  • economic necessity
  • self-sufficiency
  • exploitation
  • stress management
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
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