IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with the police or the military. Others think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #men #job #police
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Today, most people think that
women
Use synonyms
 should be regarded as being equal to
men
Use synonyms
 in applying for a job with the police or the military while some people are of the view that
women
Use synonyms
 are incapable of
this
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 kind of work. I think that some
jobs
Use synonyms
 for which
women
Use synonyms
 should not be suitable in society. On the one hand, everyone needs to be treated equitably in today's society. A simpler way of saying is that everyone should remove the pattern in the current society.
Women
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 be police or in the army because there are no criteria for gender to protect citizens.
For example
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, female nurses can take care of patients better than males thanks to their carefulness and meticulousness.
In addition
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,
women
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 can allocate the national budget more precisely than
men
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.
On the other hand
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, the nature of work is too dangerous to fit the woman.
First
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, physical health is required to become police or join the military, and
women
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 with less stamina than
men
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.
For example
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, porters or heavy
jobs
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 require health from that to
women
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 easily get exhausted so they cannot accomplish their tasks thoroughly.
Second
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,
women
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 are quite frail and don't take pressure as well as males do. These tasks demand a strong, steel spirit.
As a result
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, it may put depressive pressure on
women
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 for these
jobs
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. To conclude,
although
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 some people have different opinions about
this
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 issue, I believe that
women
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 should be treated equally to
men
Use synonyms
 in modern life.
Besides
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,
jobs
Use synonyms
 with elements of national service should be assigned to appropriate candidates
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and non-gender discrimination
Submitted by happyhihihehe on

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