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Band 5.5

In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development
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In recent years, due to the speedy development of human society and the burgeoning development of the medical system, the issue
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of that
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that
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the
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 problem of the high older
population
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 has sparked widespread attention and prevalent debate among
people
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 in many countries. It may lead the whole society to be unbalanced in the function;
however
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, it will be great news for
people
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 who are afraid of death. Some
people
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 stand for positive perspectives on the high
population
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 of elders. They believe extending the age of their family can maintain more time to stay with them and
also
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 offer them opportunities to create more achievements for the elder in the rest of their life. In the past, the hope of being immortal has always been the goal that humans look for.
However
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, the high elder
population
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 may cause severe influences on the youth. In the aspect of eastern culture, most Chinese families would invest almost the whole of their savings in their children’s education even until they are adults. The reason why they contribute massive efforts to their children is that they aim at relying on them for the rest of their life. It may cause the dramatically financial burdens on those children because there might be only one or two children in a family to support their future family, parents, and grandparents on living expenses.
As a result
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, the younger generation will be hard to make savings even though they may have a higher income than average workers. In conclusion,
this
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 phenomenon of the high old
population
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 needs to be eased;
otherwise
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, the whole society will be showered over by the high-stress atmosphere. In my opinion, the government may be able to encourage
people
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 to marry and to have more babies by offering substantially.
Submitted by jackson05234 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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