IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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One of the consequences caused by not eating and drinking healthy food is having health
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals are worried
by
Change preposition
about
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 the fact that many meal and beverage industries are using too much
sugar
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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 their
products
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will lead to disruption in fitness. I completely agree with the idea of giving
higher
Add an article
a higher
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 on
products
Use synonyms
 with more
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society will think twice
buying
Change preposition
about buying
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 those. Manufactories know that many people are addicted to sweet foods and drinks,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
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 has resulted in
mass
Correct article usage
the mass
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 selling of
products
Use synonyms
 with high contents of
sugar
Use synonyms
. Unfortunately, consuming too much
sugar
Use synonyms
 will cause harm. If the level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is great in
Correct article usage
the human’s
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human’s
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human
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 body,
this
Linking Words
 will damage our life because
sugar
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 is being converted into fat which resulted in obesity.
Furthermore
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, the fat can enter the blood vessels,
then
Linking Words
 the blood’s path will become narrow, and it will cause
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in the heart circulation. In the end, a body that has greater amount
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
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 will be very dangerous, as heart failure will occur. Even though most
persons
Replace the word
people
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 know those facts,
this
Linking Words
 will not stop them to buy
products
Use synonyms
 they like as long as they can afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If we set costly
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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of
Change preposition
for
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 some sugary foods and drinks,
this
Linking Words
 way, people will consider not
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 them due to economic
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. With
this
Linking Words
 in mind, healthier
products
Use synonyms
 that contain less
sugar
Use synonyms
 will be more purchased. Obviously, the change of diet will have a positive effect in the future. In conclusion, I strongly opine sugary
products
Use synonyms
 should be charged more in order to
Correct your spelling
suppress
supress
Correct your spelling
suppress
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 consumption of it in daily meals.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method,
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 rate in society will increase, since we will have less access to unhealthy foods.
Submitted by serlyayus on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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