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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
One of the consequences caused by not eating and drinking healthy food is having health
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
.
Moreover
, some individuals are worried
by
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the fact that many meal and beverage industries are using too much
sugar
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
products
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to disruption in fitness. I completely agree with the idea of giving
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on
products
 with more
sugar
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will think twice
buying
Change preposition
about buying
show examples
 those. Manufactories know that many people are addicted to sweet foods and drinks,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 has resulted in
mass
Correct article usage
the mass
show examples
 selling of
products
 with high contents of
sugar
. Unfortunately, consuming too much
sugar
 will cause harm. If the level of
sugar
 is great in
Correct article usage
the human’s
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 body,
this
 will damage our life because
sugar
 is being converted into fat which resulted in obesity.
Furthermore
, the fat can enter the blood vessels,
then
 the blood’s path will become narrow, and it will cause
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in the heart circulation. In the end, a body that has greater amount
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
 will be very dangerous, as heart failure will occur. Even though most
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 know those facts,
this
 will not stop them to buy
products
 they like as long as they can afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If we set costly
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some sugary foods and drinks,
this
 way, people will consider not
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 them due to economic
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. With
this
 in mind, healthier
products
 that contain less
sugar
 will be more purchased. Obviously, the change of diet will have a positive effect in the future. In conclusion, I strongly opine sugary
products
 should be charged more in order to
Correct your spelling
suppress
supress
Correct your spelling
suppress
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 consumption of it in daily meals.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
 method,
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 rate in society will increase, since we will have less access to unhealthy foods.
Submitted by serlyayus on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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