In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that teenagers tend to spend their time during summer vacation with

take

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taking

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up a

salaired

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salaried

occupation

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

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help them to get valuable experience,

meanwhile

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,meanwhile

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others realize that

this

Linking Words

amounts to child slavery. In my opinion, while the concept of child employment is debatable, I support that students should take odd jobs on their vacation since it will be more beneficial to them. On one hand, parents let their

children

Use synonyms

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apply

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learn to earn

money

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by taking jobs during the summer holidays in order to prepare

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children's future

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children

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to face the world after

finished

Wrong verb form

finishing

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their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

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and live apart from them.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

way will help the pupils to gain experience and the difficulty of earning

money

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Additionally

Linking Words

, the youngsters will learn more about

manage

Wrong verb form

managing

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their

money

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and

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

their

money

Use synonyms

wisely which is not taught at schools.

However

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, teenagers who take up

sideline

Correct article usage

the sideline

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will feel tired from

work

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and lead to

lose

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losing

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interest in studying at

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

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On the other hand

Linking Words

children

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who

work

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with

adults

Change the noun form

adult

show examples

employees

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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receive the same treatment as adult workers.

Moreover

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, the company does not regulate special treatment for underage workers,

consequently

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children

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are forced to do something beyond their capabilities.

Therefore

Linking Words

, these conditions even have the potential to be vulnerable to exploitation,

such

Linking Words

as slavery, prostitution, and drug involvement.

For instance

Linking Words

employer

Add an article

the employer

an employer

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will ask their employee who are young and physically fit to carry out tough duties,

such

Linking Words

as lifting raw materials for making bread. In conclusion, pupils can learn valuable materials about

money

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management which is earned from

work

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However

Linking Words

, those who

work

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underage will be more vulnerable to treatment related to child exploitation.

yuliarahmah92Mon Jul 18 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many believe that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people today spend most of their free time at home watching TV series or movies instead of going out. Do You think this is right or wrong ?

Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.