In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #jobs #summer #vacation #people #amounts #child #labour #lessons

Some people argue that teenagers tend to spend their time during summer vacation with

take

Change the verb form

taking

show examples

up a

salaired

Correct your spelling

salaried

occupation

can

Correct pronoun usage

that can

show examples

help them to get valuable experience,

meanwhile

Add a comma

,meanwhile

show examples

others realize that

this

amounts to child slavery. In my opinion, while the concept of child employment is debatable, I support that students should take odd jobs on their vacation since it will be more beneficial to them. On one hand, parents let their

children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

learn to earn

money

by taking jobs during the summer holidays in order to prepare

children's future

Change noun form

children

show examples

to face the world after

finished

Wrong verb form

finishing

show examples

their

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

and live apart from them.

As a result

this

way will help the pupils to gain experience and the difficulty of earning

money

Additionally

, the youngsters will learn more about

manage

Wrong verb form

managing

show examples

their

money

and

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

their

money

wisely which is not taught at schools.

However

, teenagers who take up

sideline

Correct article usage

the sideline

show examples

will feel tired from

work

and lead to

lose

Change the verb form

losing

show examples

interest in studying at

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

On the other hand

children

who

work

with

adults

Change the noun form

adult

show examples

employees

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

receive the same treatment as adult workers.

Moreover

, the company does not regulate special treatment for underage workers,

consequently

children

are forced to do something beyond their capabilities.

Therefore

, these conditions even have the potential to be vulnerable to exploitation,

such

as slavery, prostitution, and drug involvement.

For instance

employer

Add an article

the employer

an employer

show examples

will ask their employee who are young and physically fit to carry out tough duties,

such

as lifting raw materials for making bread. In conclusion, pupils can learn valuable materials about

money

management which is earned from

work

However

, those who

work

underage will be more vulnerable to treatment related to child exploitation.

Submitted by yuliarahmah92 on Mon Jul 18 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

In school and universities, girls tend to chose arts while boys like science. What are the reason of this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

Some people believe that newspapers are the best way to learn about current events. However, others think that they can learn news better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

68.Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Sport is becoming a business. More and more companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think that it is a positive or negative development?