IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you think businesses should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the company? Explain why do you agree or disagree. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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Many people think that corporate companies should hire
employees
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 who dedicate their whole
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 to their
company
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while
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 others think it
is opposes
Change the verb form
is opposed
is opposing
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. I believe that there will be drawbacks for both companies and
employees
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.
This
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 essay will discuss my viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, if
employees
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 spend their whole
life
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 in the same
company
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then
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he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to do other tasks. He will lack other skills.
For instance
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, Mr Sharma
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 working in the JCT for the
last
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 20 years in the same position as the sales manager and now he does not know the ABC of other departments.
Moreover
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, employee career opportunities become less. Maybe in later ,years another
company
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 offer higher wages to
employees
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 for the same task
then
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 they cannot move to another
company
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due to
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 work commitments for their entire
life
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages for the organizations too. They have a responsibility to pay them for a lifetime. If someone is not working properly they cannot discharge from a
company
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due to
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 a work contract.
Employees
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 know that if they cannot be discharged from the
company
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then
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 they will not work with enthusiasm. There will be a great loss to the
company
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.
Moreover
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, if a
company
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 faces some problems
such
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 as lack of money or less production and less revenue
then
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 the organisation has to pay workers and they cannot terminate them from the
company
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.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, hiring
employees
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 for their
life
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 can be drawbacks for both companies and
employees
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. They both have to suffer
due to
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 the contract.

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task achievement
Improve task response by addressing all aspects of the prompt and provide a clear stance. Develop ideas with relevant examples and support.
coherence and cohesion
Work on coherence and cohesion by organizing the essay with logical paragraph structure and stronger transitions between ideas. Use cohesive devices to link ideas throughout the essay.
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