IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organizations #people #leaders
Given is one bar
chart
 illustrating the average
hours
 of working per week among eight jobs and a pie
chart
 that describes the proportion of people suffering from
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
illness
 among eight jobs. In summary, the
hours
 of work and the percentage of people getting
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
illness
 are not positively related,
Add an article
a business
show examples
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 has the longest working
hours
 but lectures
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the highest percentage of suffering
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
illness
. In the bar
chart
,
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 accounts for the longest working hour with 70
hours
 per week, it is followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 movie producers and doctors with 60 and 52
hours
.
In contrast
, the two occupations with the shortest working
hours
 are chief and lectures, which are less than half of
business
 man’s, with 30 and 25
hours
 respectively. In the pie
chart
,
although
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 has the shortest working
hours
, it has a quarter of people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from mental
illness
. The movie producer and doctors account for 18% and 15% in turn.
On the contrary
, programmers
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the least with 5%.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: