Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

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Beauty has become of paramount importance these days,

thus

Linking Words

creating new generations that are obsessed with their physique and images.

This

Linking Words

is the result of social media, in , the

fact

Use synonyms

they have created adolescents who only care about their appearances; there are other reasons that could explain

this

Linking Words

trend

such

Linking Words

fashion

Use synonyms

shows and the

fashion

Use synonyms

industry.

Firstly

Linking Words

, globalization has permitted the sharing of information at a speed that was unknown until today,

thus

Linking Words

causing our youth to be obsessed with one another.

In addition

Linking Words

, the beauty standards have changed, in

fact

Use synonyms

from the beginning of the

twenty-one

Correct your spelling

twenty-first

show examples

century, thin

women

Use synonyms

started to appear in all magazines, creating models to look up to.

Moreover

Linking Words

fashion

Use synonyms

shows have reinforced

this

Linking Words

idea, causing the rise of eating disorders,

also

Linking Words

in pre-adolescent teens.

For instance

Linking Words

, the moment you open Instagram you are overwhelmed by the photos of beautiful, thin, perfect

women

Use synonyms

who seem the representation of Goddesses.

This

Linking Words

created false standards in the minds of young, suggestible teens and

thus

Linking Words

increased their desire to be just like those

women

Use synonyms

Additionally

Linking Words

, the

fashion

Use synonyms

industry has not helped us, in ,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fact

Use synonyms

it started to change sizes in order to make them smaller and smaller,

thus

Linking Words

making it impossible for 'normal' human beings to fit in.

Then

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

created a judgemental environment in which you are afraid of your size

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it is unacceptable to wear a size higher than a 40.

For example

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, there are some stylists

such

Linking Words

as Elisabetta Franchi

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

have been widely criticized since the sizes of her clothes do not match

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality, in ,

fact

Use synonyms

women

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

normally

fitted

Wrong verb form

fit

show examples

in a 40, with her clothes had to buy a 44.

This

Linking Words

has created mental distress and it has increased the risk for mental health issues. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

obsession with beauty is a result of the wrong standards and models that the

fashion

Use synonyms

industry made us accept, but there is still hope. Nowadays more

women

Use synonyms

are speaking up, they are embracing who they are and accepting that they come in different sizes. One day, nobody will be judged by her or his physical appearance anymore.

giulia.piacentini1Wed Jul 20 2022

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coherence cohesion

The essay provides a generally clear development of ideas, but there are instances where the logic could be improved by reorganizing the points and making the structure more coherent. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective in framing the discussion.

task achievement

The essay partially addresses the task by discussing reasons for the current obsession with beauty, but it lacks thorough exploration and analysis. The examples provided are relevant, but the response could be more comprehensive and well-rounded.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

358 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

media influence
idealized beauty standards
disposable income
economic prosperity
technological advancements
beauty products and services
cultural shifts
social contexts
personal health and wellness
self-care routines

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Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Children can learn effectively by simply watching television, therefore they should be allowed to do so to watch T.V. regularly at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after their retirement. Discuss why it is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In many parts of the world people do research in family history. Some people believe research on previous generation to be useful while others say that it is better to focus on present and future generation.discuss both views and show your opinion.