Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Beauty has become of paramount importance these days,
thus
creating new generations that are obsessed with their physique and images.
This
is the result of social media, in , the
fact
they have created adolescents who only care about their appearances; there are other reasons that could explain
this
trend
such
as
fashion
shows and the
fashion
industry.
Firstly
, globalization has permitted the sharing of information at a speed that was unknown until today,
thus
causing our youth to be obsessed with one another.
In addition
, the beauty standards have changed, in
fact
from the beginning of the
twenty-one
Correct your spelling
twenty-first
show examples
century, thin
women
started to appear in all magazines, creating models to look up to.
Moreover
,
fashion
shows have reinforced
this
idea, causing the rise of eating disorders,
also
in pre-adolescent teens.
For instance
, the moment you open Instagram you are overwhelmed by the photos of beautiful, thin, perfect
women
who seem the representation of Goddesses.
This
created false standards in the minds of young, suggestible teens and
thus
increased their desire to be just like those
women
.
Additionally
, the
fashion
industry has not helped us, in ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact
it started to change sizes in order to make them smaller and smaller,
thus
making it impossible for 'normal' human beings to fit in.
Then
, they
also
created a judgemental environment in which you are afraid of your size
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it is unacceptable to wear a size higher than a 40.
For example
, there are some stylists
such
as Elisabetta Franchi
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have been widely criticized since the sizes of her clothes do not match
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality, in ,
fact
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
normally
fitted
Wrong verb form
fit
show examples
in a 40, with her clothes had to buy a 44.
This
has created mental distress and it has increased the risk for mental health issues. In conclusion,
this
obsession with beauty is a result of the wrong standards and models that the
fashion
industry made us accept, but there is still hope. Nowadays more
women
are speaking up, they are embracing who they are and accepting that they come in different sizes. One day, nobody will be judged by her or his physical appearance anymore.
Submitted by giulia.piacentini1 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a generally clear development of ideas, but there are instances where the logic could be improved by reorganizing the points and making the structure more coherent. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective in framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing reasons for the current obsession with beauty, but it lacks thorough exploration and analysis. The examples provided are relevant, but the response could be more comprehensive and well-rounded.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media influence
  • idealized beauty standards
  • disposable income
  • economic prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • beauty products and services
  • cultural shifts
  • social contexts
  • personal health and wellness
  • self-care routines
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