Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The number of teens that
work
part-
time
has been skyrocketing, some people believe that
this
is beneficial while some opponents state that they should not spend
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working.
This
essay will investigate both views but believes the latter opinion. On the one hand, there are two reasons why teenagers should do part-
time
. The main reason is that they can acquire some valuable soft skills. When teens participate in part-
time
jobs, they will be able to learn some essential life skills
such
as
time
management and leadership. These will be crucial for their future works. Another reason is that they will be able to understand the difficulties in earning money. Some youngsters do not think twice before purchasing
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
, if they have the chance to
work
, they will have a chance to understand that earning money is not easy.
As a result
, they will think clearly whether the products they purchase are compulsory or not.
On the other hand
, there are two reasons why
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
should not
work
.
Firstly
, they should focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
. As they are still students, they should pay more effort to study. To illustrate, they should spend their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
revising
instead
of working so they will be able to receive better results and it’s beneficial to their future lives.
Additionally
, they should participate in some
activities
. They are still young and they have numerous
time
to
work
in the future, so they should discover some
activities
that they are interested in
instead
of working.
For instance
, they could try some
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
instruments or sports
activities
. These
activities
allow teens to have all-rounded
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
. To conclude, youth are not suggested to
work
as there are some more valuable things that they could do during their spare
time
.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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