People nowadays are spending more time at workplace and it is argued this is a problem for family life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Spending more hours at the office for
work
to get success in life, is directly creating the intricacies in personal life as evidenced by many people. I completely agree with this
notion and this
essay will explain the main two effects : broken homes and negative children
's characteristics.
Firstly
, a major impact would be broken homes. If the person would spend more time
at work
then
it would be difficult to give time
to family members since people get exhausted after coming back from jobs
. Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
As a result
, they will run out of energy and have less communication with other members of the house. Hence
, this
communication gap would widen as the days pass. For instance
, research conducted by social groups depicts that people who work
for
late hours are divorced earlier compared to others. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, there will be more broken homes if the person would
not give sufficient moments to family.
Verb problem
does
Secondly
, another bad effect could be seen on children
as they were not properly supervised by parents due to
busy
at Add a missing verb
being busy
the
job which may lead to less moral values in descendants. Working parents do not have enough Change the word
their
time
to understand their descendants, that
is why they never understand the difference between right and wrong. Juvenile delinquency, as an illustration, is more common among those, whose guardians are working. Correct pronoun usage
which
Therefore
, it is clear that
if parents would
not give enough Verb problem
do
time
to their children
, they can stray from the right path which would result in disastrous effects on their future.
In conclusion, although
to get success in a fast-paced life, it is necessary to do more work
, nevertheless
, family need attention otherwise
it would end in bad relations and will develop a negative attitude in children
.Submitted by immysandhu94 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, providing two main effects of spending more time at work on family life. However, be sure to address both sides of the argument to fully respond to the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is mostly clear, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. Additionally, the conclusion is brief and lacks a summary of the main points. Try to improve the organization of your ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion.