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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
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Nowadays, modern people are more conscious of gender equality than in the past. Some people believe the rights of females are totally equal to males.
However
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, there are still some situations which are unfair to
women
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, especially in employment circumstances. I agree with the above statement and I will give my own explanations.
First
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 of all,
companies
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 provide inequality benefits and conditions for female employees.
Although
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 the government legislates relevant laws to protect
women
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 most
companies
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 still supply different pay to
women
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, men and
women
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 do the same work.
Additionally
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, employers reject hiring married
women
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 or woman who plans to have an infant lately. Because employers are unwilling to pay or keep the job position for female employees when
women
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 leave for childbirth.
Secondly
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,
companies
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 only consider male candidates for management positions or high-level jobs.
For instance
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, in Japan, most
companies
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 only promote male employees to work in management positions. It is obvious to see that the qualification of candidates is not dependent on personal abilities. It causes
women
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 to not organize personal career plans.
Thus
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, getting married becomes a final target for Japanese
women
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 who are forced to give up personal careers to be a housewife because their salaries can not afford
the
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apply
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further
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 expenses. In conclusion, even if people have common knowledge of gender, the government sets up laws to prevent unfair situations from happening to
women
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. While there are many
companies
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 that care more about the company's profits than respect the right of
women
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 to achieve.
Submitted by m064611 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
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